


Talk Too Much

by angelsfalling16



Series: 20 First Kisses [14]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, SnowBaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 08:26:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18807418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsfalling16/pseuds/angelsfalling16
Summary: Simon thinks that Baz talks too much and decides to do something about it.





	Talk Too Much

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by the song "Talk Too Much" by COIN

**Simon**

Baz will not shut up. I want to hit him so that the snide remarks will stop pouring out of his mouth. I _would_ hit him if it wouldn’t mean that I would instantly get kicked out of Watford. Maybe I should leave our room. It’s late, but honestly, anything would be better than listening to him go on and on about all the ways that he’s better than me when all I want to do is shower and go to bed.

Of course, he’s blocking my way to the en suite. I could attempt to push past him, but I don’t want to risk it turning into a fight. Sighing, I tune him out and look him over, trying to find a way to make him stop.

He’s got a wide stance, like he’s reading to take me if I were to lunge at him. Fighting is out of the question anyway, so I’ll have to come up with some other way to get him to move. I could start messing with his things on his bed, but that would probably lead to more yelling and wouldn’t guarantee that he’d move out of the way. I have to think of something else, something to distract him.

I look back up at his face, and I find that the usual sneer is in place and those grey eyes are glaring at me. My gaze falls just slightly, and I get an idea. It’s a really bad idea, but at least if he hits me for it, he’ll be the one to get kicked out of the school and not me.

Before I can talk myself out of it, I’m crossing the distance between us, grabbing the front of his jumper, and pulling him to me. I hear him gasp, and he’s finally quiet. I don’t stop there, though. I lean into him, tilting my face up, and then I press my lips to his.

He doesn’t push me away, and it takes me much too long to remember what the purpose of this was. When I pull away, I can’t make eye contact with him, too afraid of the hate and anger that I’ll see there.

“You talk too much,” I tell him.

Then, taking advantage of the fact that he’s too stunned by what I’ve just done to do anything, I push past him and into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I close my eyes for just a moment, and when I open them, I decide that it’s best not to think about what I just did, so I tuck that memory away. I’ll have to face it soon enough. But for now, I just want to take a warm shower and relax.

When I step back out into our room, it’s empty, and the silence is almost deafening. I wonder for a moment where Baz might have gotten off to, but I remind myself that it doesn’t matter. It’s quiet now, which is what I wanted.

Right?

I turn out the lights in our room and crawl into bed. The moment that my head hits the pillow and my eyes fall shut, that kiss begins to replay itself.

The surprised gasp from Baz as our lips met that melted into a soft sigh. His lips moving slowly against mine as he kissed me back instead of pushing me away. The way that my grip on the front of his jumper loosened without fulling letting go as his hand came up to cup the side of my face as he deepened the kiss.

That kiss lasted much too long, and I’m a fool. I should not have kissed Baz. He’s probably out plotting all kinds of way to get back at me for it.

It was just much too nice to stop it. I only meant to kiss him long enough to shut him up, but that was something else. That was more than just a simple kiss, but it didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t supposed to mean anything. So, why is my heart racing at the simple memory of it?

***

When I wake up in the morning, I hear Baz moving around in the bathroom, getting ready for the day. He’s usually still asleep when I get up, so this is unusual. It takes me a moment to remember what else is out of the ordinary. To remember how I kissed him last night.

I can still remember the way that his lips felt against mine. I have to get out of here before he comes out the bathroom. I can’t face him, not knowing that I did something so stupid. I quickly throw on some clothes, unsure whether they’re clean or the same things that I wore yesterday, but I don’t have time to worry about that. I just need to get out of here.

And I need to talk to Penny. Penny will know what I should do.

Only, once we’re sitting together at breakfast, I don’t know what to say. How do you tell your best friend that you kissed your roommate because they wouldn’t stop talking? It seems so stupid in the light of day, and I don’t need her to tell me that when I can see it clearly enough on my own.

“Are you alright, Simon?” She asks me after a few minutes.

“Yeah, why?” I ask, looking up at her.

“Because you’ve barely touched your food. You’re usually on your second plate by now.” She really does look a little concerned.

“Oh.” I swallow around the lump in my throat, which is the thing that’s keeping me from being able to eat. Well, that, and the weird flips that my stomach is doing. “Yeah, I’m just not very hungry.”

“Are you sick?”

She looks like she is about to reach across the table to feel my forehead, and I realize that I need to think of something reassuring to say to her because I’m fine. Well, maybe not fine since I can’t stop thinking about kissing my roommate, but I’m not sick.

Before I can think of a response, though, someone sits down next to me. I turn to see who it is, and my mouth nearly falls open when I see Baz sitting there.

He looks like he didn’t get much sleep last night, and I wonder if that’s because of me, if he was so busy plotting against me that he forgot to sleep.

“Snow,” he hisses quietly, “we need to talk.”

“Then, talk.” I shrug, pretending that my stomach doesn’t start fluttering instead of doing the flips from before when my gaze falls for just a moment on his mouth.

“Alone,” he says, looking pointedly at Penelope.

“Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of Penny,” I say, but if I had thought it through for a just a moment, I would have realized that I probably didn’t want her to hear whatever it is that he has to say.

“Fine,” He says grudgingly. “Why did you kiss me?”

“You kissed him?” Penny half-shouts, and I don’t have to look at her to know what expression she’s wearing.

I shrug again, feigning nonchalance. “He wouldn’t shut up, and I couldn’t very well hit him.”

“You do know that there are other ways to—.”

“Is that the only reason you kissed me?” Baz asks, interrupting her.

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

I swear a look of something almost like disappointment and hurt flashes across his face, but it’s gone before I can be certain of it.

“Bunce is right,” he says, his voice sounding strange, but I can’t quite place what it is that’s different. “If you thought about it a little more, I’m sure that you could have come up with a much more creative way t— mmph.”

His words are cut off as I reach over and place my hand on his cheek, turning his face to mine so that I can kiss him.

I’m careful to let it last only a couple of seconds this time.

“You talk too much,” I murmur against his mouth before letting him go.

I turn to stare down at the plate of food that I’ve barely touched and avoid looking at anyone. The kiss was short this time, more of a peck really, but a part of me wants more. I don’t understand that, though. I don’t understand why I _like_ kissing Baz. It isn’t like I like him.

He’s annoying and my rival, and there is no way that I could ever fall for him. I don’t like him; I just really like his mouth. Well, I like it when he stops talking because his lips are soft and warm, and I could spend forever kissing them.

I avoid making eye contact with either him or Penny even though I can feel them both staring at me. For a moment, I wonder whether they somehow know what I’m thinking. If they do, they don’t say anything. We’re all completely silent.

We just sit there for several uncomfortable minutes until I feel Baz stand up beside me. I want to look at him, to try to figure out what he’s thinking, but I just keep my eyes down. I don’t want him to be able to read my expression and know everything that I’m feeling. He doesn’t need anything else to make fun of me for.

I don’t look up as he walks away, and I feel a weird pang in my chest when he doesn’t try to talk to me. I suppose I did manage to make him stop talking, though, so it should feel like a win.

It doesn’t.

“What was that?” Penny asks after a moment, presumably once Baz is out of earshot.

“Like I said, he talks too much.”

“Simon,” she says, and I know that I should look up at her, but I can’t. “People will get the wrong idea.”

“Who cares what they think?” I ask.

“Well, I’m pretty sure that Baz does for one. Or he at least cares what you think.”

“What are you talking about?” I ask, finally meeting her eyes.

She looks concerned, her eyebrows drawn low over his eyes. She searches my face for something, and she doesn’t seem all too surprised by what she finds there.

“You can’t just go around kissing people,” she says, and I’m not sure what that has to do with what Baz thinks.

“I’m not.” She raises a brow at me, and I amend my statement. “I’m just kissing one person.”

“You can’t do that.”

“Why not?” I ask, a little too loudly. I don’t know why I care whether or not I can kiss Baz. It’s not something that I plan to make a habit of.

I was only supposed to do it the one time, last night, but then he came and sat by me, and it was like I couldn’t control myself. I had to feel his lips on mine once more.

Penny sighs again, like she can’t believe that she has to spell it out for me. I really don’t see the problem, though. It isn’t like it means anything. It’s just a kiss.

“Because if you’re going to kiss someone, it should mean something. Otherwise, you’re just playing with the other person’s feelings.”

“Feelings? Baz hates me. He doesn’t have feelings for me.”

“I, I don’t think that’s true, Simon.”

“Wait, what? You think he…? No.” I shake my head at her. “There’s no way.”

“Are you sure?” She asks quietly.

“Yes.”

She shakes her head this time.

“What makes you think that he likes me?” I ask. “He’s never been kind to me or done anything that could possibly lead you to believe that.”

“The way that he looked at you.” She says it softly, and that alone almost makes me believe her.

“When?” I ask, just as softly, not really understanding what any of this means.

“When you practically told him that the kiss didn’t mean anything to you. And then after you kissed him, he looked…Well, I’m not sure how to describe it exactly, but, Simon, I honestly don’t think that he hates you.”

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that information. It’s not like it changes anything. We’ll never be anything more than roommates who – if not hate, then strongly dislike each other. I don’t know what Penny thinks that she saw, but there is no way that Baz likes me.

This doesn’t keep me from watching him more over the next couple of days, though. I look for any sign that he might be interested me. Longing gazes, lingering looks, unnecessary touching. But it’s just Baz; the same person who once sent me flying down the stairs during a fight. There is no proof that the kiss meant anything.

Except, maybe the kissing doesn’t mean as little as I want it to. At least, not to me. Maybe the kissing is just what turned the spark of something into a bright flame, turned unknowingly hidden feelings into something that I can’t ignore.

Even if he did like me, it doesn’t explain why he seems to be avoiding me now. If anything, he seems to like me even less since I kissed him.

During the classes that we have together, he sits as far away as possible and doesn’t say a word to me, not even to sneer about how incredibly stupid I am. He doesn’t say anything at all to me, ever, and he seems to find excuses to leave our room whenever I’m there, going out at night and not returning until really late.

I had begun to wonder whether he had found somewhere else to sleep until I caught him sneaking in late one night after he thought I’d fallen asleep. I considered saying something to him, but I didn’t want to start a fight in the middle of the night. He was quiet as he came in and readied himself for bed, and I fell back asleep easily, listening to his breathing.

The silence between us is strange. I never realized how much Baz and I talked (or more accurately, fought) until it completely stopped. I’ve begun to almost miss his presence in our room, though I’d never admit that to him. I even miss the sneers that he used to throw my way because at least that was something.

It’s been almost a week since I kissed him at breakfast. Surprisingly, it doesn’t seem like anyone else saw it. I guess it was quick enough, and people were preoccupied enough that they didn’t happen to look our way when it happened.

Everything feels like it has changed now, but it’s probably just me who has changed. The way that I look at Baz has changed. I still look at him and talk about him just as much as I used (which is too much, according to Penny) but instead of looking at him and wondering if he might be plotting something, I look at him just to look. To admire the way that he styles his hair, the way he chews his bottom lip when he’s focused on something in class, the perfect fit of his clothes.

Nothing has changed about the way that he looks, but I now notice it in a different way. Maybe Penny was right. Maybe you don’t kiss someone unless it means something.

I may not have let myself really think about why I chose kissing as a way to shut him up, but if looking back, I can see that it’s something that I always wanted to do. I’ve always admired the way that he looks and how brilliant he is. I’ve just never been allowed to acknowledge it before because we were meant to hate each other and thinking like that would mess everything up.

A part of me wishes that I could shove the feelings back down, but what started as a small ember is now a full-on bonfire. It’s too late to go back, and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do now.

I do know that I’ve had enough of Baz ignoring me, though. The fighting was preferable to this silence. At least it was _something_.

I’m headed up to our room after dinner, hoping that that’s where he’s been because he wasn’t in the dining hall. If he’s not there, I’ll have to search elsewhere. I have to talk to him. Things can’t keep going on like this.

I open the door and let out a sigh of relief when I see that he’s there. He’s moving towards the door, though, as if he was planning on leaving before I could return. It hurts, knowing that he is doing everything that he can to try to avoid me, including skipping meals.

He continues toward the door, and I tug at my hair as I block his way, trying to figure out how to make him stay and talk to me.

“Snow, could you move?” The usual malice is missing from his voice. He just sounds tired.

“What is wrong with you?” I ask quietly, even though I want to scream at him, to demand that he tell me what’s going on.

“What do you mean, Snow?” He asks.

“Why won’t you talk to me?”

“You said I talk too much, remember?” His lips curl into something that almost resembles a sneer, but it falls flat. “I was just giving you what you wanted.”

“This isn’t what I wanted,” I murmur, staring down at the ground, once again unable to meet his eyes.

“What?”

“I didn’t want you to completely stop talking to me. I just wanted you to stop saying those horrible things to me. I just wanted….” I drift off for a moment. “I don’t know what I wanted, but I don’t want this.”

“Well, this is what you get,” he says stiffly, sounding a little more like himself.

“I want more,” I tell him, looking up to find dark grey eyes watching me.

“More what?” He asks slowly, carefully, as though he’s trying to tread lightly.

“I don’t know exactly,” I admit with a small shrug. “I do know that I shouldn’t have kissed you like that, though.”

“Great. I already know that it didn’t mean anything, so if you could kindly step aside, I’ll be on my way.”

He starts to move around me, but I reach out to grab his wrist lightly. He could easily get away, but I’m asking him silently to stay.

“That’s not what I meant. It meant something, okay?” I add pressure to his wrist so that he’ll look at me as I say, “It meant something to me. I just didn’t know it at the time.”

“So…you want more?” He asks.

“Yes.”

“You mean, you want more with me.” Then, he actually smiles at me, a teasing smile but still a smile. “You like kissing me, don’t you? That’s why you’re so upset.”

“Shut up,” I tell him, but I feel my lips betray me as they turn up in a smile.

“Make me,” he whispers.

“W-what?” I ask stupidly.

“If you want me to stop talking, you know what you have to do.”

“I-I don’t—.” I say, even though I’m pretty sure that I know what he’s asking for. I just need to be sure.

“Put your lips on mine,” he says slowly in a low tone, “and shut me up.”

“But—.” Then, I cut myself off and turn to face him.

I step forward to close the distance between us and lean up towards him. I don’t kiss him yet, though. I wait for a moment, searching his eyes for something. I can’t kiss him without being sure about how he feels first.

“I need to know whether it means something to you,” I say quietly.

“What, the kissing?” He asks.

“Yeah,” I say, nodding.

“I like kissing you.”

“I like _you_ ,” I blurt out, and I immediately regret it when I see the look on his face. It’s too late now, though. It’s already out in the open.

“What?” He asks, pulling back to look at me better.

“I like you, Baz. And before you say anything, I know that you don’t feel the same. I know that you hate me.”

“No, I d—,” he begins, but I shake my head and interrupt him. “I’m sorry. About the kissing and the—,” I wave vaguely around us. “Just, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t,” he says, quietly but firmly. “You don’t get to do that.”

“Do what?” I ask, confused.

“Kiss me and then make it out like it’s nothing.”

“It’s not n—.”

“My turn to talk. I like you, Snow, and I want…this.” He reaches up to place a hand on my cheek, and I can’t help but lean into his touch. “I want the kissing and the something more. I want all of it, with you.”

He stops talking, and I’m speechless. I hadn’t expected him to be so open and honest. I hadn’t even expected him to like me back.

“I-I—.” I’m not sure how to respond. I don’t know how to put how I feel into words.

He watches as I struggle to say something, and his expression turns from one of hope to one of realization to one of disappointment to hurt, all before he schools his expression into a blank expression.

“Oh,” he says, sounding like he understands something, but I don’t think he does. “We don’t have to do this. I get it.

“Wait,” I tell him as he pulls his hand away from my face and takes a step back.

“It’s okay,” he says, and his voice sounds so sad.

“Please, just give me a moment.”

“You don’t have to do this,” He says, but he stops moving away.

“Baz,” I say, before he can continue talking. “Could you just be quiet for a minute?”

He starts to say something, so I kiss him quickly. When I pull away, he opens his mouth to speak again, so I kiss him once more, a moment longer this time.

“Just give me a second. Please?” I ask, and when he opens his mouth to respond, I glare at him. He shuts it quickly and nods. “Thank you,” I say softly, taking his hand in mine and watching as he intertwines our fingers. I look back up and taking a deep breath, I say, I want this, too. The kissing and the—.” I pause for a moment, thinking.

He watches me patiently, and I feel my mouth tug into a small smile.

“I want to be your boyfriend. I know that this wasn’t a great way to start, but I want that with you. I’m tired of the fighting, and—.”

He cuts me off with a kiss, fitting his lips to mine and stealing my breath away. It isn’t long before he’s pulling away again, though.

“This time, it’s you who talks to much,” he whispers, and I laugh quietly. “And yes.”

“Yes?” I ask, looking up at him confused.

“Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend.”

I can’t keep the grin off of my face as I lean forward to kiss him again. This time, I don’t have to hold back. I can kiss him for as long as I want.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! <3


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